// Sunday, October 8
having limited internet access has made me realise how dependent i am on it. my only true source of entertainment is in the hands of the internet. its amazing how the world wide web has interwoven into our lives and make itself indispensable. really.. tsk.
that aside, i must say this period is extremely gruelling for anyone who's taking his As out there, and especially for those who weren't accustomed to sitting still for 6 hours at least, studying, revising, practising.. we've been cursing the system, doubting our capacity, wishing for it to end since months ago. but what the hell, we're still stuck in this period. yes, although we're closer to the end, but it still doesn't eliminate the feeling of eternity while we survive through each day. the guilt we feel when our hands refuse to pick up our pens, the frustration of not being disciplined, the desire to be free.. never had i felt such a rollercoaster ride while going through an exam period. oh how the As destroy our lives..
even though the people around me continue to encourage me and tell me i can make it, being realistic to myself, i know i won't do well. who am i to kid? i got OEE for prelims. and don't forget, i'm not in a school with very high standards. but nonetheless, i will try. i'll still go through the whole torment just to get it over and done with. but don't mistake my words, i don't mean to be optimistic. i've just come to a point where there's nothing left to do other than to study. not study hard. but just study. with 30 days left in my hands, really, there's no point in cursing, doubting, wishing. just study. whether i'll get good grades? well, i know i won't get fantastic grades for sure, it's just a matter of how bad it'll be. but with this state of mind, i'm more than willing to leave this worry to next year february. so good luck to me, and to all of those who feel the same way.
and just to end with a happier note. my room is gorgeous! it's not entirely furnished yet, but i'll fill my room up eventually. i've already a list in mind of the things i need to get for my room. goodness, can't wait to shop after the As! alright, here's a picture of one side of my room. the studying area's still a little messy. so yeah.. i can't wait to have the girls over! goodness.. i really really really can't wait! :)))
scripted at 10:41 PM
// Sunday, September 3
purple! green! yellow! my star lion!
scripted at 12:21 PM
// Saturday, September 2
dead man sleeping.
somebody tell me how to stay awake! ugh..
scripted at 4:07 PM
// Friday, September 1
i look at my friends around me, and all the different kinds of relationships they're in, and i'll wonder how much do they really love their partner, because who will ever know when they're actually in love? although i know we each have our own ways to measure the amount of love we have; some by the degree of jeaousy, some by the degree of self-sacrifice, some by the amount of time spent thinking and caring for them, but who really knows? when lovers decide that they no longer have the connection, and go their separate ways, what become of these measures..? nothing. we'll all end up with an erased piece of blank paper, ready for a new chapter to be written all over again. it breaks my heart when i see two lovers who used to share the same jokes, the same views, the same look in their eyes, vanish into thin air.. the hesitation, the uncertainty that are now found in their voices makes them all the more estranged. and the line that divides them, grayer than ever, as they never know when they'll border along being too possessive or caring once again. it's really heart-wrenching to see a love (although relationships at this age may be too over-stated to be described as love) built with so much effort and time to only end up broken into pieces of awkwardness and hi-and-byes. but i guess, there's no point wondering why and what and how and when, 'cos it will only make yourself depressed and also the people around you depressed. and i have to say this, A levels SERIOUSLY does NOT make anything better. positively, definitely, surely. damn it. i can feel the animosity for the As boiling inside me once again.. i better stop before the steam gets into my head. alright, just food for thought. ciao.
scripted at 1:57 AM