// Friday, May 13
i love dancing. did i mention this before? i feel so happy.. so alive. even though there's so much more room for improvement, 'cos i know i'm not a super good dancer. i feel so.. exuberant when i dance. every step, every snap of my finger, every turn, every drop of sweat.. i love the feeling.. having my body to do wonders. to move like how i want it to.. it's just amazing. but up till now, i still can't express myself like this in public. (other than to u darling..) but i need to overcome this. to be confident of myself. to show others how happy i am when my feet taps busily on the dance floor. but why am i still holding back? if only i can show myself.. then maybe my "loved ones" would understand me better too.
i'm really glad i have
my own space, my own little room. i like the fact that i can lock my door (although my mum has the keys and opens the door regularly, but at least it buys time for her to unlock it) and lock them out of my life. the materialistic ways. the age-gap. i'm really so different from my family. but then again, all 3 children of my parents are so different. but we all have a common factor, selfishness. i don't know about my brothers. but i become selfish when it comes to revealing myself to them. i would not share anything. i would not let them know me. i may appear strong, but they have no idea how they hurt me so much inside. how they make me hate them. but can i let them know? i have responsibilities. to be the successor of my father's company. to be the "perfect" child. to be their last hope. to be the only person that keeps my family together. even if my heart yells for them to love me like how i wish they would, i would not let them know. how i wish i can abandon all these. how i wish my parents are understanding n non-violent parents. parents who have loved me the right way since i was young. now, everything's just too late. i've build my wall around me, and no way can they break it down. but then again, there are soft spots -- my brother. if only he remained like how he used to be when he was younger. i miss the youthful him. when he used to kick me off the bed playfully. but that's all in the past.
if only the world can see me dancing..then would they understand..the fire in me.
scripted at 8:33 PM
