// Wednesday, June 29
i thought it couldn't hurt anymore. i can't figure it out. but its just there. i try really hard to avoid it. i try to focus on my loved ones. how they make me smile, and laugh. but the thing is, i never know when it's coming. its so sudden, and overwhelming. the realisation hits me so hard-- it'll never go away. i can't describe it, i can't put it in words. but its just there. somewhere inside me. i know not if its hate, angst or plain sadness. i know nothing about it. and when i try to figure it out, the more complicated it gets. its a sharp pain maybe. like a needle. but yet, its not so simple. 'cos a needle won't hurt that much. i should be used to it, after all it's been in me for four years? no, five i think.. but i guess it's just one of those things you can't get rid off easily. like tar maybe? thick and dark, it stains. there's nothing much i can do about it. i'll let it hurt me when it comes. after all, it's only for a short while. i wouldn't hurt that bad. would i?.......
scripted at 11:08 PM
