Love is enough: though the world be a-waning,
And the woods have no voice but the voice of complaining,
Though the skies be too dark for dim eyes to discover
The gold-cups and daisies fair blooming there under,
Though the hills be held shadows, and the sea a dark wonder,
And this day draw a veil over all deeds passed over,
Yet their hands shall not tremble, their feet shall not falter:
The void shall not weary, the fear shall not alter
These lips and these eyes of the loved and the lover.

- William Morris





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danceworks 06
the CJ girls.
chinese new yr 06
the girls
dear diligence
grad o4
thailand trip


// Friday, May 12



Fantasy

i have many fantasies in life.
ok. that sounded wrong. but i wanted it to be as explicit as possible.
i don't mean wet dreams or any sort of sexual fantasies (as most guys will relate to)
i meant love stories, fairytales, dreams and ambitions we girls grew up with.
and i thought i should share some of my older fantasies.
which implies that i still have fantasies. :P
no doubt.
which girl doesn't dream to live in a perfect fairytale?
ok. actually, i eat my words.
some girls nowadays dont need to live on fairytales.
and i can think of 2 girls (really close to me) already.

so let's begin with Fairytale Number One.
when i was in lower primary school i think..
i used to pretend im those chinese characters you see on the 7 o'clock-channel-8-drama-serial, where princesses with a certain power fly here and there with th0se long silky cloth floating behind them..
you know.. like "ba xian guo hai" (8 immortals cross the river) kinda thing?
so anyway, i usually act out these fantasies when i shower.
'cos you know, i'd pretend i have the power of shooting water out from my "sleeves"?
i would fling my arm forward, so juts of water will fly out cos i stand under the shower?
haha! can you imagine..?
alright. go figure.
and so, the Water Princess meets a demon from Hades.
and she tries all her might to fight it.
she used her water shooting tactics, called a storm (that's when i turn around in circles and try to make more water fly) and summon the waves from the sea to wash the demon away (that's when i kick the water off the floor)
but of course to no avail..
then, this really powerful immortal comes to save me! (naturally..)
i can't really remember his power..
but anyway, i would pretend he would wrap me in his arms (which was actually the bath towel)
and dry me up.
and tell me everything will be ok.. :)

alright. as fatuous as it may sound, it was one hell of a fantasy!
i loved my power. :D
and those images of me fighting the demon were so vivid.
well of course it had to be, or else i wouldn't even remember it so clearly now.
i could imagine real streams of water coming out of my "sleeves"
(i imagined my clothes to be something like "gu gu".. oh darn. i forgot what's the drama serial name called. but it was played by fann wong and christopher lee? :P)
but anyway.. DON'T LAUGH OK.
it was fun playing with water in the shower.
and i bet some people out there still do it!
as you know.. people do crazy things when they're in the shower..
mostly silly things that they like to keep to themselves. :)

ok moving on to Fairytale Number Two.
ok this one was older.. but i can't really remember exactly when..
so anyway, i am some sort of assistant PR organisor of events, or something like that.
and i don't have much money.
i share an apartment with 2 room-mates.
im single, but one of my room-mates was attached to a really really sweet guy.
and the other's just one who loves life and doesn't give a shit about relationships, and gives the weirdest advice.
so anyway, the fairytale revolves around us 3.
and we all have our love problems. and we'll share it with each other when we get home.
but never interfered too much, just talked alot.
'cos we were all very opinionated.
so naturally, there was a guy.
and he just moved in and stayed at the apartment opposite ours.
and i think you can figure the rest..

but the highlight of this fairytale, was my attitude towards life..
in this fairytale, i wasn't a woman with an amazing career or love life.
the guy was normal.. wasn't rich or drop dead gorgeous. but really sincere and loyal.
i was always busy with work though.
and my 2 room mates will always complain..

i guess that's what fairytales are for.
for you to become somebody you can never be.
can i ever be such a simplistic girl?
i admit, i am materialistic.
how can i ever be that girl in my fairytale.
that girl whose desires in life can be counted with one hand.
who settles for a simple guy.
who lives life day by day without any excitement.
and one who's so focused on her work.
to achieve a better standing in her job.

im impetuous and emotional.
and how i wish i can be otherwise..
but that will only happen in my fairytales.
because i can never take control of my life and especially my heart.
and maybe it's time for me to try.
but dithering is what im best at.
to say that i will try and will succed, are all just mendacious.
i cant even get myself to focus on my studies for more than 2 hours every 2 days..

just thinking how trapped i am, makes me feel so depressed.
and how my life is looking to me, makes it worse..

You'll be the vein
You'll be the pain
You'll be the scar
You'll be the road, rolling below
The wheels of a car
And all of the thoughts, oh god
Don't know if I'm strong enough now
You'll be the vein
You'll be the pain
You'll be the
Catalyst

i used to think these fairytales are my catharsis..
but i no longer dream.
'cos im sucked into this society,
where responsiblities, commitments and routines robs you of your imaginery world.
so what is my catharsis now..?
tears.
what else eh.
cheers.


scripted at 9:22 PM